And Then I Officiate a Wedding

Way back near the beginning of this year, I got to bind two awesome people into a state of non-denominational matrimony in the State of California.
Thanks to previously mentioned, now married & awesomeness defined couple, I'm an ordained minister in the State of California.

I like picking up titles/licenses.

The following are select portions of my non-standard speech:
(Or at least something generally close to it since I haven't had access to my computer for a few months.)

INTRO

Ladies, Gentlemen, and undecided, please be seated.
About four score and seven minutes ago, I found myself wide awake & unhappy with the current speeches I had for their ceremony.
I've known Chad & Shelli for awhile and also because they gave me the honor & privilege of presiding over their marriage I wanted to give them something memorable.
Please excuse me for reading this from my notebook.

MARRIAGE

Marriage is a wonderful thing.
I figure the best way to describe it is via a poem heavily laden in Dr. Seuss influences.

Oh you'll love them when they're fit
You will love them when they're sick
You will love them when they're rich
You will love them in a ditch
You will love through good or bad
You will love when glad or sad
You will have and you will hold
Ten years from now a thousand fold
A love for their whole life.

If there is a common theme for marriage, I'd like to think it's love.
Standing here at ground zero an' seeing the way these two look into each others eyes, I think they're set...

VOWS

I (Chad) take (Shelli) to be my lawfully wedded (wife).
I will take care and cherish our relationship.
I will love you today, tomorrow, & forever.
I take you for my wife, to have and to hold from this day on.
For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health,
To love and to cherish for all the days of my life and until my last breath.

I (Shelli) take you (Chad) to be my lawfully wedded (husband).
Ditto to your vows.
And I promise not to fight over the TV remote because of access to DVR.
For realsies.

CONCLUSION

...By the power invested in me by the State of California, Monastery.org, and The Universal Life Church, I now pronounce you Husband & Wife.

You may now enjoy your first kiss as a married couple.
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it's good to have a working comp an' be able to post online again.